Sunday, September 12, 2010

Back Home's been a while since I've posted, and it's been a VERY long and mostly trying summer.

In late April, we found out that Ward had some floating bone fragments in his knee leftover from a previous sports injury (or so we thought) so we had to schedule an outpatient surgery for late May. The day before his surgery, Ward started working from home full-time. He had one office in the house and I have an office across the hall from him, as we both work for the same company. My work is light and mostly secretarial and I don't work as much as he does. It's a flexible and low-stress job that allows me to be home with the boys and be very involved in their school activities.

Ward's surgery did not go as we had hoped and his doctors found severe arthritis...and Ward is only 32. He said the recovery initially would be around 6-8 weeks on crutches (we thought it would be more like 3-5 days) and 6-12 months for total recovery. We were told he'd most likely need both knees replaced before turning 40. Needless to say, Ward was devastated and his time on crutches was hard for everyone.

During his time at home recovering, we started going over the medical bills and saw that between Ward's MRI, surgery, physical therapy, and Beaver's medical bills from his hemophilia-related medicines...we were sinking fast. We knew we had enough to pay our regular bills with a little for savings, but these bills were just too much. While we were trying to decide what to do, my old boss from my full-time fast-paced job from 2 years called and said they were re-starting the company and getting the old gang back together. I immediately said "thanks, but no thanks" and went about my regular life. But the thought stayed in my head, and every few days, he'd call back and ask if I had given it anymore thought. After going back and forth for a few weeks and really thinking it through, Ward and I decided it would be best for me to go back to work in the big city. We knew this would be a huge change from the life we had been living for the past 2 years. We would go from having me home 24/7 and being majorly involved at the school, to having me home every night at 7:00, working every other Saturday, and working every other holiday. We knew that would be a tough transition for everyone, but we reasoned it would be worth it because I'd have something for me (a great career opportunity) and we'd have money like we'd never had before.

I selfishly started making lists of everything we were going to spend the new money on. We were going to pay off our medical bills in 3 months, I was going to get a year-round tanning package, start getting my hair cut and colored every 6 weeks, get monthly mani/pedi's, go out to eat every Friday night, and set aside $200 a month for me to buy new clothes and accessories.

I have NEVER been a woman that is into any of the above items, but I reasoned that I wasn't into them before because we never had the money for them, but since I was working in the big city again...I DESERVED all these things.

I knew the boys would be upset by not having me around all the time, but I assured Ward and myself that they'd get over it once school started and they'd forget all about me.

Boy....was I ever wrong.

Going back to work on July 26th was the worst decision I've made in years. From the first day I regretted my decision. The boys were devastated not to have me home, and on the third day I drove to work, Beaver chased me down the driveway crying and started waking up at 5:30 in the morning just to spend time with me before I left for work. Ward did a great job cleaning the house and preparing dinner the first few days, but after about a week, the house began to fall into disarray, the laundry got ridiculously backed up, the dishes piled up in the sink, and we started having cereal for dinner almost every night. I was so tired when I got home at 7:00 that I had no time for homework, stories, games, or even giving them their baths. It was awful. I cried to Ward and told him I'd made a terrible mistake, but we both knew it was too late. I had already quit my wonderful but lower-paying work-from-home job and had even provided my boss with a replacement for me. I was stuck and I knew it. I decided we'd just have to get more organized and the kids would just have to learn to depend on Ward for everything.

And then my old boss called. He's still Ward's boss, so he talked to Ward from time to time about my situation and he knew I wasn't happy. He asked me to stop by his office after work one day, and within 3 minutes of being there, he asked me to come back to work for him. I cried with joy on my way home from work. I couldn't believe my luck. I always loved this work-at-home job and never took it for granted, but I thought having tons of money with this new job was more important. And I was dead wrong.

I was finally able to give notice at my new job this past Friday (after only having been there for about 7 weeks) and I am hoping that once the big boss receives my resignation on Monday morning that he will send me straight home (with pay of course) and I can resume my wonderful secretarial job.

I miss being at home.

I miss puttering through the house on rainy days. I miss the sound of the dishwasher while I'm folding clothes in the livingroom and watching the Food Network. I miss making lunch for Ward and I and sitting on my bed watching The Young and the Restless while I cut coupons. I miss making after school snacks, waiting in line to pick the boys up from school, walking into the kitchen at 5:00 sharp to get dinner started, being finished with dinner and ready to play with the kids by 6:30, getting 9 hours of sleep per night, always having a clean house, being able to run up to the school and eat lunch with the boys.....and most of all....I miss having a 10 second commute to my job. :)

I am so glad to FINALLY be back home...where I am loved and needed. And where I belong.

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